…if Santa Claus had…a MOHAWK!?! Think about it. You KNOW he’d get ALL the pussy.

I think Demi Moore should get an award, but on second thought maybe the award should go to her PERSONAL TRAINER!!

Human being.

Well, well, well. They say the April showers bring May flowers – how wrong they were. At least here in my little corner of the world. No May flowers. Just a lot of long nights, sitting on the toilet, when I should be in bed. And the whole bowl fills with poop every time I visit the restroom. That’s no life for a man. Meanwhile, you know the Yogi Kudu on That’s Incredible? Well you know he’s doing that so he can suck his own dick.

Saturday, in New York City. The sun in shining bright. A street fair
outside. You know, Arsenio Hall spends so much time night after night,
saying, “give it up for Tone, Tony, Toni” or “let’s give it up for” this
guest or that. Isn’t it about time that we give it up for Arsenio Hall
himself? Why not give it up once for Arsenio? It’s long overdue.