For each night of Hanukka, a wish for the world:

1) May there be peace on earth.
2) May there be peas on my plate next to my chicken.
3) May there be peein’ in my open wounds, in the VIP room of the club I’m at late night on the ‘zeeve. (‘Zeeve is the cool way to say “New Year’s Eve”)
4) May the leaders of all nations drop their arms.
5) May the leader of Switzerland drop a few pounds of chocolate in the mail to me (Fedex preferred, you can use my account #: 243-32443-8753)
6) May there be a new kind of medicine that effectively treats irritable bowel syndrome, specifically the very hard to press thru doodies that keep some people up at night and then they have to sit on the toilet re-reading old copies of the Village Voice over and over because they’re too lazy to find another magazine or god forbid a book to read during the countless hours spent on that fucking toilet. (I’m specifically thinking of a friend of mine who has to deal with this all-too-common affliction.)
7) May we hopefully get a break from Austin Powers 24/7. Yes I thought it was funny at first, “Yeah baby, let’s shag!!!” etc, but do I have to see him on every single TV show, magazine, newspaper and billboard? YOU “behave”, Austin. You’re the one who should “behave.”
May we all have a joyous and loving holiday season!

Many of you have emailed asking to hear more about The Ten. Well what can I tell you? It’s a really silly movie, but with a heart and with a dark undertone of dread. Ken “I Wanna Dip My Balls in It” Marino and I wrote the script. And we shot it this past summer. What fun it was! We got lots of stars in the movie including many of the top chicks in film.

Plus guess what – I have an uncle named Morris Viagra Wain and he’s been trying to get in touch with me about giving me a free boat – then guess what? I don’t get the stupid boat because all his emails got filtered out. This SUUUCKKS!!!!

Plus guess what? I’ll tell you tomorrow.

What’s going on everyone? Seriously, tell me! What about you, Billy? What have you been up to? What’s it like to be divorced? Do people still make fun of your gash? I need to put you in touch with Monica over at Bloomingdales– she’s got some make-up that can cover it up real good.

Anyway everyone, lots to report. First of all, my movie THE TEN is premiering on January 19th at the Sundance film festival! I want you all to come and hang out with me there. Go here for tickets – you have to register now and then get them in January, but it’s worth it! This movie is SO FUNNY. Info on it is here.

(Me, Kerri Kenney-Silver, Kevin Allison and Ken Marino on the set of THE TEN)

If that’s not enough fun, how about coming to see STELLA live on stage at the San Francisco Sketchfest in January? More info on that soon!

Not into the whole travel thang? They just released Sheep in The Big City,

a cartoon series I did some writing and voices for, on iTunes… check it out!

Another thing: I should tell you, I think prostitution should be legalized… but we’ll talk about my nighttime hobbies later! (JK – LOL)