Thinking About Changing My Name…

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…to David McCalister. Now before you get crazy on me–would you please let me just–can I just–before you blow a gasket–CAN I GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE HERE? Phhh. Okay. Thank you. Now, if you’ll LISTEN, I’m changing my name to David McCalister for several reasons:

First of all, look, this is the real world, and having a non-Jewish name will help me with real estate transactions–NOW HOLD ON a minute, I know. I know it’s possible to get these transactions through with ANY name. But let’s be honest: David McCalister’s gonna sashay through the system a hell of a lot easier than David Wain. Yeah, I know, it’s not fair, but you know what? A lot of things aren’t fair, and yeah we should change things, and yeah I’ll go to the meetings and sign all the petitions and protest on the mount, but in the meantime, I happen to live here on planet earth where not everything is quite as it should be.

The second thing is, it SOUNDS better. David McCalister – the sylabic structure is one-two-three-FOUR-five-six. Da-vid-Mc-CAL-is-ter. Much better than one-two-THREE. da-vid-WAIN.

You know what? I’m not gonna change my name to David McCalister. I was lying. I’m gonna change it to BREEM STRIKER. From now on I’m BREEM STRIKER. Breem Striker for president! (NOT OF THE USA – of my DICK! OH YEAH, KEEP IT COMING! GET ON IT, GET ON IT, YOU KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT!)

34 thoughts on “Thinking About Changing My Name…”

  2. thats so funny…. i was just going to say that i was changing my name- brandon stein-to david lee roth. i figure people will be like… whoa man, r u related to that guy, from aerosmith, and i would be like, no bitch, i used to sing in van halen before they kicked me out….. zippity bop!

  3. I like David Wain because it sounds like your mom is doing some serious first and middle name hollering.

    “David Wayne? Get in here this instant!”

  4. I like David Wain because I can make rhymes out of it and I made a poem about David Wain a while ago.

    McCalister would be pretty sexy for a last name and all but definetaly no where near as sexy as the Wain-O.

  5. did you know that most serial killers have the middle name ‘Wayne’? it’s true.

    I think you should change your name to Vladimir Von Kupferberg. Think about it. The Academy loves things that sound foreign.
    I can see the headlines now…The Ten directed by Vladimir Von Kupferberg wins Best Picture.

    it’s also lucky because it’s septem-syllabic — one-two-three-four-FIVE-six-seven

    I know…I’m retarded.

  8. I’m afraid you just don’t look like you should or would have a last name starting with a “Mc”. Plus, if I where to change my name, I’d change the whole thing. Especially if I where a guy. Otherwise people would just think you’d married into the McCalister name. If you changed from “David Wain” to “Montauk Johannsen” well, now, there would be a change. Then people could call you Monty.

  9. McCalister sounds a little too “Cats” for my taste. You DO NOT want to egg on those musical theater kids David, it’s just asking for trouble.

    Change your name to Chest Beefslab.

  10. Oh and what would this be?? HUH? the official DAVID McCALISTER website?? really david, that like wouldn’t even fit in that space up there..i mean..its so..illogical.
    *long pause*
    Oh my god..you weren’t even going to HAVE a David McCalister websiter WERE YOU!??!?!….you want out….
    *faints*

  11. If I wasn’t such a slacker. Id come to NY and party with ya. You rock, MR Breen! hey if you see Michael Showalter tell him he still owes me 20 bucks. He will know what I mean.

  22. Just dropping in to let you know you have an interesting site. I hope you’ll continue to work on it. Wishing you all the best.

  28. Could you please send to me the contacts of developer of your site? It looks so damn good!

  30. Whoa….check out this page…hmmm, and I thought this was only for the kids

  31. nice site, very informative, well designed, easy to use … what can i say ? i love it…