Thinking About Changing My Name…
June 12, 2006 | Thoughts
…to David McCalister. Now before you get crazy on me–would you please let me just–can I just–before you blow a gasket–CAN I GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE HERE? Phhh. Okay. Thank you. Now, if you’ll LISTEN, I’m changing my name to David McCalister for several reasons:
First of all, look, this is the real world, and having a non-Jewish name will help me with real estate transactions–NOW HOLD ON a minute, I know. I know it’s possible to get these transactions through with ANY name. But let’s be honest: David McCalister’s gonna sashay through the system a hell of a lot easier than David Wain. Yeah, I know, it’s not fair, but you know what? A lot of things aren’t fair, and yeah we should change things, and yeah I’ll go to the meetings and sign all the petitions and protest on the mount, but in the meantime, I happen to live here on planet earth where not everything is quite as it should be.
The second thing is, it SOUNDS better. David McCalister - the sylabic structure is one-two-three-FOUR-five-six. Da-vid-Mc-CAL-is-ter. Much better than one-two-THREE. da-vid-WAIN.
You know what? I’m not gonna change my name to David McCalister. I was lying. I’m gonna change it to BREEM STRIKER. From now on I’m BREEM STRIKER. Breem Striker for president! (NOT OF THE USA - of my DICK! OH YEAH, KEEP IT COMING! GET ON IT, GET ON IT, YOU KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT!)
18 Responses to “Thinking About Changing My Name…”
Whoa whoa whoa, hold on just a minute! You’re Jewish?!
By Danielle on Jun 12, 2006
thats so funny…. i was just going to say that i was changing my name- brandon stein-to david lee roth. i figure people will be like… whoa man, r u related to that guy, from aerosmith, and i would be like, no bitch, i used to sing in van halen before they kicked me out….. zippity bop!
By Brandon on Jun 13, 2006
I like David Wain because it sounds like your mom is doing some serious first and middle name hollering.
“David Wayne? Get in here this instant!”
By Renee on Jun 13, 2006
I like David Wain because I can make rhymes out of it and I made a poem about David Wain a while ago.
McCalister would be pretty sexy for a last name and all but definetaly no where near as sexy as the Wain-O.
By Jess on Jun 13, 2006
did you know that most serial killers have the middle name ‘Wayne’? it’s true.
I think you should change your name to Vladimir Von Kupferberg. Think about it. The Academy loves things that sound foreign.
I can see the headlines now…The Ten directed by Vladimir Von Kupferberg wins Best Picture.
it’s also lucky because it’s septem-syllabic — one-two-three-four-FIVE-six-seven
I know…I’m retarded.
By Santana on Jun 14, 2006
I changed my name to Batman.
By Ben on Jun 14, 2006
Batman’s name is Bruce Wayne, which is kind of like David Wain.
By Ben on Jun 14, 2006
I’m afraid you just don’t look like you should or would have a last name starting with a “Mc”. Plus, if I where to change my name, I’d change the whole thing. Especially if I where a guy. Otherwise people would just think you’d married into the McCalister name. If you changed from “David Wain” to “Montauk Johannsen” well, now, there would be a change. Then people could call you Monty.
By Hillery on Jun 15, 2006
McCalister sounds a little too “Cats” for my taste. You DO NOT want to egg on those musical theater kids David, it’s just asking for trouble.
Change your name to Chest Beefslab.
By Courtney on Jun 15, 2006
Oh and what would this be?? HUH? the official DAVID McCALISTER website?? really david, that like wouldn’t even fit in that space up there..i mean..its so..illogical.
*long pause*
Oh my god..you weren’t even going to HAVE a David McCalister websiter WERE YOU!??!?!….you want out….
*faints*
By ecol on Jun 16, 2006
If I wasn’t such a slacker. Id come to NY and party with ya. You rock, MR Breen! hey if you see Michael Showalter tell him he still owes me 20 bucks. He will know what I mean.
By Rob on Jun 19, 2006
Breem Striker’s Dracula?
By Tom on Jun 20, 2006
Was Bruce Wayne Jewsish? That’d be cool if Batman was actually Jewsish.
By Mike G on Jun 26, 2006
You think it’s bad being one-two-THREE, try being one-TWO-three. Go ahead, walk a mile in my shies, Slappy.
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