…to David McCalister. Now before you get crazy on me–would you please let me just–can I just–before you blow a gasket–CAN I GET A WORD IN EDGEWISE HERE? Phhh. Okay. Thank you. Now, if you’ll LISTEN, I’m changing my name to David McCalister for several reasons:

First of all, look, this is the real world, and having a non-Jewish name will help me with real estate transactions–NOW HOLD ON a minute, I know. I know it’s possible to get these transactions through with ANY name. But let’s be honest: David McCalister’s gonna sashay through the system a hell of a lot easier than David Wain. Yeah, I know, it’s not fair, but you know what? A lot of things aren’t fair, and yeah we should change things, and yeah I’ll go to the meetings and sign all the petitions and protest on the mount, but in the meantime, I happen to live here on planet earth where not everything is quite as it should be.

The second thing is, it SOUNDS better. David McCalister – the sylabic structure is one-two-three-FOUR-five-six. Da-vid-Mc-CAL-is-ter. Much better than one-two-THREE. da-vid-WAIN.

You know what? I’m not gonna change my name to David McCalister. I was lying. I’m gonna change it to BREEM STRIKER. From now on I’m BREEM STRIKER. Breem Striker for president! (NOT OF THE USA – of my DICK! OH YEAH, KEEP IT COMING! GET ON IT, GET ON IT, YOU KNOW IT, YOU KNOW IT!)